Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
