Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
