We won't sleep together?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
