Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
