Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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