i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your cock deserves a montage
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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