Buhtt sex?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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