I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
