Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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