i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
