I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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