I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
