i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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