proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
