I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
