I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
