dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
