he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
