At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
