At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we should paint friendship bongs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
