What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
