Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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