you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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