please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
