Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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