So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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