marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
