what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
