Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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