Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
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