I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
