Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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