I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
