I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
