then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
