i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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