i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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