the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
