I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
