yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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