I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
