i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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