So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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