the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
