i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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