Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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