Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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