i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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