you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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