you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
