This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
