in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
