Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
