My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
