I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
