Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
