Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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