he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
