Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
