The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this boner is exhausting
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
