how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
