it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
