mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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