My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
