i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
