I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize