Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
