I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
