I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
