totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
