if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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