census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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