How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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