Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
