I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
