so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
