dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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