i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
