he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
