They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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