tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
