I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
