hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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