So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
