Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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