If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
