All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
