Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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