nut hugger
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize