the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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