it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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