I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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