she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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