Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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