You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex on a dog bed..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
