you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
