If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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