I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
