1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
