Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
