I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
