just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
