the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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