Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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