I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
