She announced her abortion via fbk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
